Up to "Date"

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The topic of dating is one that has evolved over the years. Dating used to be a term describing the act of going on a bunch of dates with different people. Asking many different people out on dates used to be a norm. It was a way to get to know other people while participating in fun activities. There didn’t have to be any attraction between the two people; they were just there to have fun and socialize. Nowadays the word dating implies that two people are in a relationship and only going on dates with each other.

The requirements to ask/be asked on a date have changed along with the term dating. As previously stated, a “date” in the olden days was simply a fun way to get to know another person. In present times a date requires that the two individuals to be attracted to each other. People will say no to a date offer only because they are not attracted to the other person. A date is just a date, not a profession of love. I think it is important that we get out of this mindset and go back to how dating was 30 or so years ago.

Today dating is becoming rare. The new thing to do is “hang out” or “hook up”. People would rather hang out in large groups being only responsible for themselves than go on dates. In hanging out a person can leave whenever he or she wants. There is also less formality, so there is less pressure. One also feels that they will not lead anyone on if they are just hanging out. “Hooking up” is a term used to describe two people “getting some action” without being in a relationship. I think hooking up can really put a strain on an individual’s ability to have an actual relationship and can even harm his/her feelings about his/her self. It is unhealthy!

What should dating be like then? Well there are a couple theories and ideas of how two individuals should develop a relationship. One is the Relationship Attachment Model (RAM). An illustration of this model is:


What this chart displays are the ideas that you must know someone more than you trust someone, trust someone more than you rely on someone, rely on someone more than you commit to someone, and commit to someone more than you touch someone. These ideas are crucial to a healthy and a successful relationship. Knowing a person is of utmost importance. If you are going to have a relationship with a person, it is important to know exactly what the other is like. If you truly know someone in a relationship, then it is likely that that bond will last. If a connection is based on physical touch, then the relationship will most likely fail.

There seems to be a fear of dating in the world today. We need to get out of this mentality. Dating is simple. It only requires 3 things: a date is planned, paired off, and paid for.  If you go on a lot of dates with people, then you will truly know what sort of people you are compatible and what you are looking for in a future eternal companion. Doing so would also make it more likely that your marriage will be a happy and successful one. Marriage is hard; we have got to do all that we can to prepare for it and make it the best decision we’ve ever made. If we don’t, then we only end up discouraged and heartbroken.

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