Dealing with Crisis

Every family will face a crisis at one point in their lives. Some allow crisis to break the family apart, others are strengthened through it. The crisis is not what matters. What matters is how members of a family respond to the crisis. There are both ineffective and effective coping patterns to deal with crisis.

Some ineffective coping patterns include:

•      Denial:

a.      Denial is the most common coping mechanism. It occurs when a person refuses to believe that the crisis exists. Denial is common when there is a death in the family, alcoholism leads to abuse, or a family member is diagnosed with a terminal illness. A good example of denial is displayed in the movie Charly. When Charly is diagnosed with cancer (spoiler alert), her husband Sam goes into a state of denial. He will not face that fact that Charly will most likely die and lets it eat away at him. He becomes distraught and angry.

b.      Denial is a normal thing for people to experience. It can be helpful in the case that it allows a person to gain control of their thoughts and feelings before they face a problem. Yet, if one gets stuck in the phase of denial then it can be very destructive.

•         Avoidance:

a.      Avoidance occurs when a person accepts the crisis, but however refuses to confront the issue. They will often turn to drinking or other destructive behaviors rather than finding a constructive way to go about the situation. It is counterproductive.

b.      Like denial, avoidance is sometimes helpful to a situation. When one is avoiding the crisis, they can think more about it and possibly find a good solution.

•         Scapegoating:

a.      Scapegoating is a cruel “blame game”. Rather than take responsibility a person will blame the crisis on the victim of the crisis. It is incredibly destructive. Unlike denial and avoidance, there is no good side. It always leaves ruin in its path.

A common theme of the ineffective coping methods is the focus on oneself. Thus, if a family will turn to one another to cope with a problem, it can actually strengthen them. Resilience is a key factor in successful coping. It is the ability to bounce back rather than break. Tools to gain resilience include:

•          Get some perspective. What’s the worst that can happen?
•          Compare underserved bad things with the unearned good things.
•          Toughen up! Push yourself!
•          Be the architect of your own fate. Don’t let circumstances define you.
•          Take an honest inventory of your life. Focus on your power rather than your weakness. We are gifted with a wonderful power: the power to change.

As previously stated, resilience leads to successful coping. Some behaviors that allow one to effectively cope are:

•         Take responsibility.

a.      Taking responsibility means facing the conflict. If crisis occurs because your father is an alcoholic, don’t be afraid to confront him kindly about it. Express your concern! Figure out the best way to resolve the situation.

•         Affirm your own and your families worth.

a.      Believe in yourself! If you see yourself as worthless then you won’t make anything of yourself. You have so many strengths, use them!

•         Balance self-concern with other concern.

a.      Opposite of feeling worthless, many people become self-absorbed during crisis. There needs to be a balance between the two. If you realize the grieving of your family members, it will help both you and them to empathize with them and try to comfort them in their grief.

•         Learn the art of reframing.

a.      Reframing means to redefine the meaning of something. It changes your perspective. If you look at a situation as something that will destroy you or your family, then it will. Yet, if you look at a crisis as an obstacle that you will overcome, then you will overcome it. Look at a negative situation in a positive light.

•         Find and use available resources.

a.      There are many resources for those experiencing crisis. They can be simple, like open communication within the family, or more extensive, like therapy. One can turn to religion, friends, or even books. Resources are out there, seek them!

Crisis is hard for all families. However, if we learn how to be resilient and cope with them, then we will be strengthened through them. I have seen it in my own family, and you can see it in yours!