The Power of Parenting

Parenting is a full-time job. It requires a ton of time, energy, and responsibility. Every set of parents raises their kids differently. Some methods are effective, while others seem to create problems or make existing problems worse. Parenting doesn’t truly come with a handbook, but there are resources to help parents develop skills that will allow them to raise their children successfully.

One resource comes from Michael Popkin, author of Active Parenting of Teens. Popkin presents three types of parenting: The autocratic parent (dictator), the permissive parent (doormat), and the authoritative parent (active). If a parent is too much of a dictator or a doormat, there will be issues in their relationship with their children. Yet, if a parent is active, they will be strengthened in their relationship with their kids.

The autocratic method of parenting occurs when parents are much too strict with their child. They don’t allow the child any freedom. Parents often think what they’re doing is the right thing to do and will teach their children to be responsible. However, most often when a parent is too much of a dictator the child will be more likely to become rebellious. For example, if a parent yells at their teenager for missing curfew, the child might start sneaking out at night. Teenagers with autocratic parents are also more likely to get into alcohol and drugs.

I had a friend in high school who had an autocratic parent. She had a boyfriend that her mom didn’t want her to be with all the time, so when my friend would go spend time with him, she would lie to her mom and tell her she was at one of her friend’s houses. This created a poor situation because her mom would text the friend and ask about her daughter and the friend would have to lie because she didn’t want to make the daughter mad and get her into trouble.

The permissive parenting type can have similar effects to the autocratic parent. If a child has too much freedom, he or she is going to get into trouble. Going back to the curfew example used earlier, if a child doesn’t have a curfew, they could get into trouble late at night or miss important commitments planned for the next day due to sleeping in late. This parenting style can also lead to a child getting into drugs and alcohol because they can easily get away with it. With permissive parent’s, the child is in control.

I also had a friend in high school with permissive parents. This really got her into trouble. After graduation, she started sleeping with a ton of different guys. She also got into drugs and drank alcohol. It made me sad to see her choosing this path of life. She was a great athlete in high school and could have easily played in college but chose not to go that route. Instead, she isn’t going to college at all.

The last and best method is the active parenting style. The active parent like the autocratic parent sets boundaries but allows their child freedom within those boundaries. Because they treat their children with respect, they are respected in return. When a child breaks a rule, they will suffer the natural consequences as well as consequences discussed with the parents. Active parents sit down with their child and consider their child’s opinion when deciding punishment for the child’s actions. They give them choices rather than demanding them to do things. Active parents help their children feel valued and show them that they are an important part of the family.

Parenting can be stressful. Yet, if parents work hard to be authoritative parents and respect their children, their children will grow to be happy and successful.